Pregnancy was supposed to be blissful. It wasn’t. Here’s how I learned to cope.
Pregnancy was supposed to be blissful. It wasn’t. Here’s how I learned to cope.
May 4th, 2023
By Stef Ziegler
Most of us expect to feel a lot during our pregnancies, between the emotions and behemoth physical changes. Although we anticipate these changes, most of us are unprepared for the anxieties that often accompany creating a tiny human.
As Baby Ziggy’s arrival swiftly approaches, I sit here and reflect on the past eight months and how I used mental fitness to support me throughout my pregnancy.
Learning to surrender
My first trimester was absolutely dreadful. I was delighted to be pregnant, but weeks of all-day-everyday nausea and extreme—to the bone—exhaustion proved to be a challenge for my mental fitness. I learned that my normal pace of go, go, go, needed to shift. Instead of accelerating full-speed ahead, I begrudgingly downshifted into a much more ambiguous state of being.
I’m not going to lie, this was hard for me. As someone who is used to always performing, meeting goals, and taking on more than I can manage (I do not recommend that), my body decided to force me into a state of rest. I was so tired and nauseated, all I could do some evenings was lay on the couch in silence.
My mind fought against my body. All the tools I know that work in my mental fitness repertoire were put to the test. I learned that in order to go fast, you have got to slow down. My body was certainly screaming this at me.
So I decided to practice what I preach and surrender to what was.
This is often a tool used in meditation practice. I quickly learned that instead of fighting what I think I should be doing, or how I think I should be acting (more energized), I needed to surrender to the new life my body was working hard to create. I learned to become aware of how I was feeling, from the inside out, and honor my exhaustion (if my work day permitted), but certainly in the evenings and on the weekends.
It’s hard to live in a society where we’re so often told we have to perform. When we slow down, it can be a challenge for many of us. But mental fitness can help support us in bringing awareness to this and surrendering to whatever we are feeling.
Glowing… and growing
When the second trimester hit, I started to feel the “glow” of pregnancy: comments from family and friends, a renewed sense of energy, and finally “looking” pregnant to the outside world. I felt a sense of rejuvenation, and I started to soak in ‘feeling good.’ I was told this pleasant phase wouldn’t last, and I figured I might as well do my best to live in the moment.
Of course, this had its challenges, like anything. I continued to practice surrendering to my experience of being pregnant while simultaneously enjoying and showing gratitude for the opportunity to be pregnant. Although my body was rapidly changing, I wanted to be sure to honor my experience and thank my body for what it was capable of.
As the third trimester crept upon me, I realized that I am, in fact, creating a real, live, human bebe who is arriving in the real world—much sooner than later. This sudden realization spiraled me into unexpected emotions of anxiety, fear, and my brain’s fave way of manifesting anxiety: intrusive thoughts. I hadn’t had much of these for the first part of my pregnancy, and these emotions hit me like a brick wall.
I started to spiral into thoughts of:
“How will I be as a mother?
Am I prepared?
Do I know what I’m doing?
What if I mess up my kid?
What if I’m not good enough?”
—Along with the other subconscious fears and worries society has bestowed upon me and many other parents through the decades with fear-mongering media, movies, and television surrounding birth and parenting.
As my mind began to spiral, I realized I needed to level-up my mental fitness game even more. Gratitude, surrendering, and mindfulness were not cutting it. I needed to utilize all the tools in my tool box.
Asking for help
The biggest one for me was reaching out to community and vulnerably asking for help. This started by recognizing that I was having fear and worry. Really, I had to name the problem at hand.
After that, I decided to commit to a new and consistent morning routine involving positive birthing affirmations, committing to a hypno-birth class, speaking to my OBGYN about my concerns, learning more about the hospital and how the day of birth will be. Along with this, I confided in my husband, some dear friends, and asked for help. This allowed me to feel less stressed, release anxiety, and most importantly, continue to ASK FOR HELP. I can’t stress that last piece enough.
If you are struggling and don’t ask for help, you won’t always receive it.
It’s hard to ask for help or share that we are struggling when we don’t ‘feel’ like we should be. My rational brain kept telling me that I don’t really have anything to worry about. But you know what? Life is hard. The unknown is hard. Becoming a parent or a mother is hard.
So many parents and moms feel overwhelmed. You’re not alone and there are tools and mental fitness techniques that can help you.
I’m grateful to now have tools to help mitigate my anxiety that I didn’t have a decade ago, and I just want people to know that you’re not alone. There are resources and ways to train your brain. It’s also ok if you are scared or struggling with a huge life transition.
This all belongs. And you do, too.
